First off I want to start by saying I am sorry. I have to apologize for how the people who have been brought into this world by you, yet has forsaken the gift of you that has bestowed on them every chance they get. We are flawed individuals who take things for granted including just how monumental your appearance is in our life. You have been one of the most influential things in this world, and your presence has caused so much of our decision making, that we don’t even realize that a lot of things have happened to humanity because of you. You are appreciated no matter how many have forgotten your influence on mankind.
I really do have a lot to say to you because for the longest I looked into the mirror and all I could see was myself. A flawed bundle of flesh, encapsulated in imperfections and sprinkled with insecurities that I have been working on every day of my life. I didn’t think that you would have had so much affect on my mindset and overall outlook on myself but because of you, I have seen that I am not just doing things on my own. I can look in the mirror and because of my love for myself, I can lift my head high at who I am and how I see myself. I am a being of my environment but I have the ability to look past my flaws and others flaws to find the good in them and actually love myself and those others for who they are.
Now saying all that, doesn’t mean I look at everything in the light of admiration. I am pretty aware that you are also the cause of much of my pain and heartache. I have, especially within the last few months, I have found myself sitting in an open room, surrounded by just my four walls, and feeling like you have finally forsaken me and my existence. You took something I cherished, and held very dear to my heart and caused it to betray my beliefs, and values. I blamed a lot of this unavoidable pain that is still running deeply through my veins as I write this message to you. You stand for so much more then pain and I have felt my share of it but this time, you truly crushed me.
Upon further investigation though I realize that in order to have you, we have to have pain, heartache, rough times and trials and tribulations. It is all necessary to discovery just what love truly means. What you truly stand for. I did you wrong in the past. I took your gift, your blessing and I either took it for granted, or was blinded by my desire for lust to not realize you had shined your light on me and put those in my life who could truly enhance your affect on me. You have been my blessing every since I was born. You allowed me to have two parents who both showed nothing but love for me and my siblings. Grandparents who grew up in different times, where love was replaced with hate. Yet they overcame that and now show me love even when I go months and months without seeing or talking to them. Keeping me in there prays everyday and every night no matter what happens.
Love is a four letter word that I think people say more casually then actually meaning. You have been a tool to convince others to stay, or used to sway someone into making a difficult decision that only benefits one of the two parties involved in it. A selfish bunch of people who you still attempt to touch and show exactly how great there life can be if they don’t take you for granted and absorb your blessing. That blessing can be happiness or a child or just a conversation with someone who you feel you can confide in. Everything in life is a direct result of you and we need to take a step back and look at who you actually mean to us.
I will continue to believe in you because you have been one of the constant in my life that, even if I didn’t notice, I couldn’t live without even if it was optional. I have tried to be heartless and cold but I end up missing you and yearning for your arrival back into my life.
I hope that you receive this in good faith. I know that you have been busy in my life and others but my appreciation for your existence can’t be expressed on here at all. You are the shining ray that pierces through the darkest depths of my soul, pulling me out of whatever void that I fall into, only to come out smiling and continuing to live this imperfect life that I do with my head held high. I wouldn’t be here without you and for that my love for you will be eternal. Thank you for being you.