One of the hardest things I could of encountered is the fact that even with the betray, the deceit, the pain, my heart still loves and desires this relationship. So, the decision has been made. One that I don’t take lightly at all. I have decided to stay in here. I can’t just give up on my marriage so easily. Especially with everything I know and feel. I just have to be strong and trust in the belief that “Love” will prevail. I sat on the options, and weighed everything in my head and heart and my conclusion is to move forward. Do I still think about it? Yes, of course I do, but I refuse to let me emotions dictate what happens next. It will be a hard and I will want to be an over zealous, ultra spying creeper, but I can’t do that because if I do, I risk losing everything I worked so hard for.
As a man I will look deep within myself and continue to press forward. She has a long road to go to regain any trust from me, as did I. I just have a whole year of already completed effort while her effort starts now. We both have made this relationship a lot more complicated then we would both like, but I know that if the feelings are there, and love for one another still exist, we will survive. Just wont be a cake walk or a fairytale like it use to be. We have to work, and continue to work. I have been reading, and expressing myself, as many of you have probably seen since I started blogging. If anything, this only expresses just how deeply devoted I am to our relationship and how much I truly do love my wife.
I still think about it. I still want to find this guy and use every ounce of my military training to show him exactly how much pain he has caused me mentally but physically on him. I want to prevent her from ever going back to Atlanta and have her quit her job and break all ties that was even a remote factor of this spectacle but I wont. I can’t. I will deal with this like I should. A mature man, who truly wants “Us” to succeed and continue our relationship…our friendship…our adventure in the life together. Time will heal all but the road to recovery will be splintered with pot holes, and traffic and other things that we have placed in our way. We both just have to keep looking for the horizon and hope that we never lose our way again. I know for me, if it happens and I find out that she has lost her way, I will go. I don’t care what she says or does, it will be over. I will take my shit, my shattered heart, my kids, and leave without looking back at all.