What does marriage mean to me? Everything. I honestly thought about it. This isn’t my first marriage but dammit I want it to be my last. But there are things I know will come up. I’m not against a few bumps in the road. It all comes with the territory of what love means. In my head I have so many things that I feel love should be like. I think of the fairytale marriages that you see at the end of movies or read in books were the guy makes a mistakes and does some outstanding thing to win the heart back of the woman he loves. He puts in effort to finally have her realize that this fool of a man has snapped out of stupidity and now knows that nothing in this lifetime will ever be worthy losing her. It’s a Kodak moment that leaves you dropping a simple tear out of your eye and your heart fluttering waiting for your turn. So why is it when this miraculous experience happens, when you are thrown into a scenario that ends with the same results does the movie not end? My wife still doubts my reason for marrying her. She feels like maybe my heart wasn’t behind it and you know what I don’t blame her. I explained I was scared but that meant absolutely nothing to her. I was very hesitant I admit that. I admit that I did see the light at the end of the tunnel but I also see what happens when you marry someone you don’t truly know and I didn’t want that. Not with her. I love every minute with her and yes I had my set backs that could of truly caused us to break up but we didn’t. The greatest set back made me realize that I had everything I wanted. My fairytale ending was in arms reach and all I had to do was show her just how real I was about it. I got on a plane flew 18 hours to my location just so I can be with her, see her and show her a vacation that I’m sure she never would of expected out of me. Walked the beach, took a boat trip, shopped, dined, made love, and finally got the words I wanted to hear; I do. But the question still remains what does marriage mean to me? I pondered the thought for bit. My happiness has no limit when it comes to being with my wife. I spend every waking moment thinking of how lucky I am that she choose me. She put up with me and my foolishness and my goal is to make sure that everyday she wakes up she never regrets that decision. Marriage is hardly just a title change. It means that things you did, whether major or minor can have damming results that could corrupt your marriage forever. I take my time to think of every avenue before making a decision. Do I go hang out with a friend without connectivity when I know I’m far away and could cause concern to sprout or do I just relax at my place and keep her mind at ease while I’m away? These type of things happen daily because of our current situation. That situation being our long distance marriage. Now we aren’t the met online type. I met my beautiful wife in high school and honestly thought she was way out my league. Surprisingly she had a crush on me and now I see that we are soul mates. This is exactly who I was meant to fall in love with and somehow we have been put back into each others life and that is just another thing I feel brings my connection to us, this marriage so much stronger. So again I ask, what does marriage mean?
I put that ring on her finger and I looked her in the face as she stared back at me, he large eyes shimmering in the light, her smile radiating the love she felt and I just knew, I couldn’t jeopardize losing her ever again. I got back to my location and looked into the mirror and was amazed at how much I had grown, matured and how much happier I was. My heart had grown and I felt like a better person for it and I owed it all to her. I couldn’t wait to tackle the world with this woman and I’m still very hopefully right now. I just think she doesn’t realize just what this Marriage means and ultimately I feel like it’s my fault. I waited, I hesitated and I think it hurt things dearly. So why do I bring this up? I’m in a bit of turmoil emotionally. When I was looking deep into her eyes she looked at me abs said, never again. “Never again,” is the words that have motivated me to be a smarter man. To make more sound decisions. To think before I act and to remember that there isn’t a woman on this large earth worth losing her over and I truly mean that. We are coming up on our one year marriage anniversary and I was completely excited for it. One year is nothing but to go through what we did and to end up here, that is what truly excites me. I spent a lot of my time flying over to see my wife or in class making 7 hour trips to get to her and I know why I did it. I understand the reward at the end of the tunnel was seeing my wife and being able to spend a moment in her presence. That time together is one of the main things I cherished and even know acts as the glue to my model car that’s keeping me truly caught up in our love.
Our love has been challenged with distance, racism, cultural differences, and even the ever popular “hating” but nothing has caused us to feel like we don’t or can’t weather the storm. Yet in the end nothing could of prepared me for the news I received either. ..